6th Feb: A period of fear and anxiety

not sure where to starty but feels like one fo those days where I wentback to my vietnam roots, another period of those 2 months where I felt completely hopeless and wanted to run back to my safe zone but unfortunately, was in another country 😟

It never really happened since then, to this extreme — been 6 months almost. But can you see a pattern between these two? Is there a common trigger bw both of these periods? I think my anxiety usually starts when

• I don’t feel valuavble enough or confident enough in life and this is usuallly mostly re my career. My last year was like this when I was working with Nikunj.

• My another trigger is related to BDD. this usually starts when I get a bad haircut and I often a plant a seed in my head which i KEEP WATERING like every fucking day and get myself into isolation where I’m with no one but just myself i.e. i don’t have a friction barrier which will induce new thoughts into my head. This goes on until I realise the plant has grown big enough and I’m trapped inside of my head.

Shall we go deeper into both of these topics?

1. Not feeling valuable enough seems to often come from a point where you are not working on challenging things i.e. things that moves the needles. You are a person who has always craved for that social validation and you want to be heard, you want to lead things, and you want to feel important or that you belong to a tribe. C’mon we are all social animals and ain’t we all want the same thing?

2. BDD often comes from the point where you have got a bad haircut and again the same thing right - you plant a seed in your head and you just keep waterinfg it until it gerows to become a big ass plant. All you need at this point of time is some friends who can get you out of this situation. This is one of the reasons why you can’t live alone in a house otherwise you’ll literally go mad.